Building Confidence

It takes a lot of guts to walk into a ballet class (or anything new, really) with nothing but a brand new pair of slippers and the earnest desire to work hard and get better.  The older we get, the less inclined we are to put ourselves into uncomfortable situations.  Really, who wants to re-live any of those gawky, awkward feelings that accompany pretty much everything you do between the ages of 10 and 25? 

However, as an unapologetic life-long book worm, the past 3+ years have been a fascinating conversation (sometimes argument) between my will and body's ability; my pride and my sense of accomplishment.  And always, always I've felt like I'm winning no matter what.

Things that are awkward:

• Walking into a class of adults of varying ballet ability at 28 years old with 0 experience and feeling dumb, not knowing how to do anything.
• Trying to find just the right thing to wear to class that doesn't make you feel ridiculously exposed and uncomfortable.
• Learning to accept and see past the bits of your body you dislike while you watch your form in the mirror.
• Admitting you're injured (again) when no one else ever seems to have issues. (Seriously, why is it only me??)
• 3.5 years in, still being incapable of completing a basic combination without looking like a complete spaz.

Things that make it so worth it:

• Walking out of your first class and feeling elated that you took a scary, crazy plunge and made it out alive (if not a bit sore...)
• Watching your body change in the mirror over time.
• Being surprised when you can see muscles you didn't have before.
• Being surprised when you notice your leg is comfortably higher than it's ever been before, or your balances in releve are becoming more reliably rock solid, or you completed a combo without missing a step for the first time.
• When other people are inspired by you to try ballet (or any other hobby they've been scared to try)
• When your group fitness instructor compliments your pointed toes and ballet arms in the middle of Bootcamp.  (True story!)
• When you finally reach a milestone you've set for yourself: like that first pair of pointe shoes.

Things I've done that I never expected to be doing in a million years:

• Performing in an adult dance recital.
• Using pointe shoes.
• Being the most experienced dancer in my class.
• Being the one that the newer dancers follow during class.
• Serving as an emergency substitute teacher for youth and adult beginner ballet.
• Taking an adult beginner class at a studio out of town while on vacation.
• Converting a corner of my bedroom into a tiny dance studio with a wall mounted barre. 

I am constantly amazed by what my body can do, and amazed with the changes I see in the mirror.  While there are sometimes the occasional class that just can't seem to go right, I almost always leave class proud of my work and pleased with my progress.